It had only been 3 days since I arrived back home from Ethiopia. Ferrill was in Uganda still (on a separate trip)and my wonderful mother in law Brenda who'd been watching Finley and helping ferill while I was away, had left to return home. I flopped my jet legged body on our worn in leather sofa and realized for the first time in almost 3 weeks, I was alone. No room mate, no guest staying over, no husband, and Finley was down for a much needed nap. As I thought before I drifted off to sleep it occurred to me I hadn't at all really began to process what had truly happened. Everything about my trip was like a dream, or a movie.... but even better than that, It had been real! Ethiopia was truly more beautiful and desirable than I had ever hoped, meeting Hanna and her mother was a once in a lifetime ordained moment of the Lord I would never forget, and all my mind could do was flip through every detailed highlight of those 2 weeks there. But it was on my couch with the Lord where hed wanted to discuss one moment id almost forgotten, the one moment from this entire trip he would bring up time and time again relentlessly asking me to share with you.
we had about two days left of our trip and wed gone to a very small rural town in the mountains to do a few home visits with two local families. Wed left one house and it was maybe a few blocks away to the other, but on our way our group of about 14 was walking down a narrow dirt road, I was in the very back of the group that was now pretty spread out so all I could hear was a child crying. Walking up I saw about a dozen children all under the age of 12 and one little girl was crying. When I got closer all I could see was our local leader who works for OCM squatted down with his hands on the young girls arms. He was saying to her over and over again "but I'm here, I'm here..." then he wiped her face and said "Here lets take a picture to remember." They all gathered together for a photo and afterwards he said to the young girl "i'll be back, youll see me again" and then we were on our way. It wasn't until after wed arrived at the next home that someone could explain to me why the girl had been crying. When the group of kids saw us walking by they stood close to the road and when Getachew (our leader) passed by, the girl had reached out to grab his hand and another child had pulled her back and she was crying because she couldnt be with us and he had already passed by. Of course when Getachew heard her he stopped and went back to see what was wrong. I can easily say he was perhaps the most Christ-like man I have ever met. He was gentle, humble, incredibly intelligent but never spoke in a way that made you feel insignificant. He oozed wisdom in every conversation and was a man of 100% pure joy because he realized in every situation their was hope because of Gods love.
It was this moment the Lord wanted to discuss with me. "What about it Jesus?" I asked him as I snuggled into that nook in my sofa that makes it pretty much impossible to stay awake. It was what he said next that would expose a deep secrete in my own heart that even I was oblivious too. He said "Sharon, that little girl is you. You think that I have overlooked you time and time again, but I hear you crying. Im actually right here in front of you saying "I'm here I'm here" and often you CHOOSE to cry instead of look at me." the way he said it was so to the point and yet still very gentle. I exploded into tears and curled up sobbing, before he said it, I didn't know this was in my heart, but when he said it I knew it was true and those emotions, that truth came to the surface for me to deal with. "Yes God, underneath the record I play over and over in my head about your love, your goodness, your word.... in my heart your right, I do feel like in this area you continue to walk by, on your way to bless someone else." It felt good to be honest with God. But he already knew, before I knew he knew and it was a concern he had. Every good father wants to correct any misunderstanding his child may have and although his word and our track record had established almost all I thought I needed to know, this one thing he knew he needed to correct. Without any explanation he affirmed me. He told me he heard me, he saw my wound and encouraged me to stop choosing to cry. "open your eyes daughter!" he would say "Look and see my face, for time is too precious to keep crying." my heart had poured out every tear my heart had apparently clung too and a peaceful presence filled my living room. "And guess what?" I could hear him say as I envisioned him cupping my face with his hands. "Im coming back! I promise you, i'll be back before you know it." and in my heart and spirit I knew it was true. Since then I've carried more contentment with me wherever I go. I know God sees me and hears me and for whatever reason he has chosen this plan for me and I choose to see him in it and trust it. I rebuke those voices that still try to tell me I'm forgotten, that I am over looked. I do the work daily in reading his word so that I can know what is true. So I can know his will (instructions) and the reward is I have a full happy life and an endless list of promises as his child. He is not a father that neglects his children or plays favorites. Their is no condition to receiving his love! I want to encourage you to let him set you free of the conditions and formulas you've tried to come up with to be given what you want. Let go of any anger or bitterness and he will give you rest and peace! He loves you. As any great Father he has the BEST plan for your life. Period. I know we think we know what that looks like. Whether its a career, being a wife and/or a mother at a certain point in life or by a certain age,being a mother of 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, whatever "ideal" looks like for you, its HIS plan that is the perfect choice. I know it sucks to look over the fence and see that beautiful green grass...... so stop looking! We torture ourselves with what we know is bad and yet we still choose to do it. If only I had a dollar for every time someone looking on instagram and FB made a person feel insecure, jealous, or envious id be rich. God is so faithful! So good! So much so,that he actually had 40 different men write 66 books to give us to learn from! One author actually said "Jesus did so many things, that if everyone of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have enough room for all the books that could be written!" John 21:25
God loves us, he knows us, and we can trust him.
So that's my story. "Their Jesus" (looking up at the ceiling while typing) "I did it okay, I told them about the time you were wonderful and made me cry on the couch!" lol Im just teasing you Jesus, but of course you already know that. All my love my dear friend. Thanks a million for those who sent me on my adventure and covered me in prayer. It was too wonderful for words to express, but when I find the words, id love to tell you more. My friend Heather actually snapped these two pics while we were walking. So thankful to have an image for what God was going to be saying to my heart just a week later.