Thursday, August 22, 2013

Biscuits & Gravy

How much time do I take in telling the most wonderful story of my life? This past Monday the 19th I was working as I have been for the past few months as a business woman's personal assistant.I had only been at her home about two hours when my phone rings and its the agency. We hadn't been able to connect by phone in 8 weeks! It was fine too,and not a flaw of the agency. Their just wasn't anything to discuss.Our April adoption had fallen through, our hearts had moved on and so had our normal lives. We were waiting for something to happen but no one really knew what. Would we be re-matched? would we get a call from a hospital? Would Isaac's birth-mother resurface? None of us knew. Seeing the agents name pop up on the screen made me almost cringed a little at the thought of having to "regroup" and talk about how we were feeling. The truth is I hadn't felt anything.Not angry or sad.Not hopeful nor like we were actually ever going to adopt a child. So when I answered the phone and shes says "Hey, how would you feel about having a daughter?" It took me by surprise. A daughter? Not a son, that was always easier in my mind to process, but someday I knew he would leave me for another woman (his wife of course) but a daughter one day becomes... your friend. So my answer was "yes! yes I want a daughter! Are you thinking of reshowing us to a birth-mother?" "No,I'll call you around 3:30 today to come get her!" I had walked outside when I took the call,which was good because in this moment I almost threw up from the shock of news,nerves and excitement.

 She went on to explain that out of the blue that morning a girl had called the agency with a week old baby that she was unable to care for and wanted her placed by the end of that day. She was scheduled to be at the agency by 3:30. So I called Ferrill,retold the story and we quickly left our jobs to head home and await the call within the next two hours.It was a good thing too since our house was a wreck! We immediately called our parents and our 2 closest friends,then it was dishes,laundry,vacuum,where are the bottles and putting in the car seat. Its crazy. We were SO calm and SO freakishly peaceful.I even layed down for a 10 minute nap. Then we got a text. Please be here by 3:45! It was finally happening.

We left our home and I made one look back before closing the door and muttered to the space that had been my safe place of rest and longing for so long "So long my beautiful things, soon your four walls will be filled with joy" and I closed the door to the old and drove towards the new one that had finally been cracked opened.

When we got to the agency they walked us down a hallway to a back waiting room.Door opened we could just see workers hussling up and down the halls with paperwork and small talk. We waited.In the excitement of saying yes we didnt even ask any questions.Is she healthy? Is she red white or blue? All we knew was a girl,and 7 days. Finally we hear "we have signed consent! lets get her back to them". The birthmother had completed all her paper work releasing her parental rights... our gift was slowly making her way down the hall. And there she was. Now this moment is more than i can fully share right now. The things inside our hearts so private and intimate that I havent even fully processed but I will say my dad gave me some beautiful advice when id called hours before.

Okay dad- Id better get inside and prepare as much as I can for whats about to happen."Can I just give you one small piece of advice before you go? As your father?" Of course! "When you see her,grab her and hold on as tight as you can.Dont worry about breaking her or hurting her,just take ahold of her,because she will be yours, as much as you were once and still are mine. Youve waited a long time for this.You will make an incredible mother,and if you believe with all your heart she is yours she'll believe that she is yours too." (gosh, coming from a man that almost never talks intimately,it was almost more than I could handle) So without many words and details that is what happened.She became ours.Our beautiful,4.12oz -7 day old African American daughter,that we named Finley Elizabeth Gallaway.

Maybe an hour later we had the beautiful opportunity to meet the birthmother.She was beautiful.She was honest and pleasant.She loved her child enough to care for her,and then enough to let her go.We thanked one another,we cried, we made commitments and then we said goodbye. We arrived at 3:45pm and we were headed home by 6:30pm.

I may still be in shock. I find myself crying in the morning when the sun comes in the nursery and i'm holding her. I think of how many nights I sat in there and my heart poured out its pain and discomfort to the Lord only to be met with the comfort of hope that one day, this may happen.And it finally has. Us loving each other is like a slow and steady rain. It gently but intentionally pours,washing away all the dirt and giving a freshness to life. Its all been so sudden and new that I have yet to really sit before the Lord and pour out my thanks.Don't get me wrong,I have thanked him, but all my heart can muster without breaking this inevitable dame is a whisper. Small moments and tears in the night where I think about the goodness & faithfulness of the Lord and their aren't enough words,just tears,and a muttered "thank you."

So thats enough for now. My heart can hardly handle it. Every time ive finished a post before its had such a big question mark at the end. But not this time. This time I will end by saying to you thank you! For your love and your hope for us. For the time you have invested and the prayers you have sown. She is here. We did it. And now I will close the screen,push my laptop away and scoop into my arms our promised child.

All our love-Ferrill,Sharon & Finley

(OH MAN! are you crying?! I am. I forgot to be funny and explain why I called the post biscutts and gravy.Its because when she poops I think it smells like biscuits and gravy,and even that makes me happy.)