Friday, December 1, 2017

God Gave Us Wisdom

Daniel 6:23
....."and when they had lifted Daniel from the den, they found no wound on him, for he had trusted the Lord"

Its been 5 weeks since our "interrupted adoption." That's what the paper work says when a placement is not completed or was unsuccessful. The weeks to follow consisted of a lot of quietness. My soul was wounded and even when I thought I was fine, displaced hurt and pain would slowly begin to leak from my heart and before its poison could escape my lips I would run. To my car, to Ferrill's office, to my house and I would pour out my sorrow at his feet. Laying down the "why", waiting, waiting, waiting... letting his peace wash over me. "I trust you Lord" was all I could ever say, and then start another day.

A night or two after the call about our "interrupted adoption" Finley climbed into our bed and laid on me like a tired child who had finally given up. "Mom, I just want to be a sister so bad." Her disappointed voice shattering my heart into a galaxy. With tears oozing from my eyes but with a steady sure voice I said "I know Finley, and you will be the best big sister ever one day." I said it because I knew it was the truth, but what I didn't know was when that would happen. When we started She wasn't even 2 yet, and here she laid fully stretched out no longer our baby at all and I just didn't have any answers. What I thought I knew had shifted and we'd decided after the holidays, after we closed the book to this year, we would find the courage to start again.  I carried her sad heart to bed and ached inside for many things and many reasons. I placed tiny boy things inside a rubber tub and slid them under our bed. I needed it out of immediate sight and yet not far away. My flesh was always ready to call it quits and yet my spirit remained pregnant with expectancy. Clean laundry now filled the crib in our bedroom and every morning in my closet when I dressed I'd see our packed diaper bag lifeless on the top shelf. "We're ready Lord. Whenever the time is right, we're ready." 

We'd made last minute changes to go to NC for Thanksgiving and It was just what our hearts needed. Family, joy and rest. I guess I could have done without the 11 hour drive back from all the holiday travelers. Finley learned how to signal truckers to honk on the interstate and the laughter it brought us unloaded much of our heaviness.

The next day at lunch time I missed a call from our agent here in town. 12:47 to be exact. Then a text to please call when I could. My heart dropped into my stomach having a flash back from these same sequence of events just a few short weeks before. I walked out onto the front  lawn to return her call. " Are you and Ferrill together?" Ugh- another flashback. "No-Its Monday. Why?" I cant even begin to explain just how unprepared I was for this next part. "I'm calling because I have a baby girl, in my arms now, who is ready for placement."

I held my breath as I listened to all the information. Premature, born at 25 weeks, survived and released after 2 months, skin like Finley's etc. etc. etc....you can come now and meet her if you want." I called Ferrill in the offices just like I had 4 years ago, "Lets go met our daughter!" And off we went. Our future was only 8 miles away, and with every minute that passed it was like weights were being unloaded from our hearts. Today was THE day and their wasn't a fear or a worry anywhere in sight.

When we met her, it felt like shed been ours forever. It was this instant feeling of "this is right" In a moment I knew I now had 2 daughters and my mind could never go back to seeing things before this. Before her.  If joy could have fueled a rocket we could have ridden one to the moon and back.  As a legal precaution we didn't take her home with us right then but that day, Monday November 27th was the day we peeked behind the vail and Gods perfect plan was made known to us. Even now it doesn't feel real. Our case worker said "I don't know anyone else who has ever had 2 babies come suddenly like yours have." I cant believe it. Even now as I write this I cant comprehend what has happened. Consider our hearts and our minds blown into pieces. A million beautiful, perfect, redeeming pieces.

Finley came home from school the following day. I could hear her voice asking grandma "what is the surprise?" the sound of her soft gasp as she walked into our room and saw me holding her. "Mom... is this my sister?' and finally, after 22 months I muttered to her one of the greatest words a heart could ever hear, and the sweetest gift God could ever give. Yes.

Paper work has been signed but we do have a few loose ends.  Unfortunately some funds were lost in the previous "interrupted adoption" We have a short grace period to recover about $5,000. But seriously, the waiting is over and we know that money is the least of these things in the kingdom. For those who has sown may your cup overflow! And for those who are looking for the right place to give, I have no shame in saying let it be in us.

I leave with you the same words my dad left with me a few weeks ago. Don't give up. Don't give up. Don't give up. This is who we are.

2 Corinthians 1:20 "All his promises are yes and amen."

All our love
Ferrill, Sharon, Finley & Quinn (which means wisdom)

To Give:
www.nlcf.org Click "giving" sign in and specify "adoption fund" OR find us under Gallaway adoption on www.gofundme.com