Something wonderful happened the other day. The college group had just found their places on the couch Wednesday night and Ferrill began to speak and share a few announcements and out of no where, without any introduction or small talk at all I hear the Lord say this beautiful thing to me. "Sharon, one day you're going to lay your head on my chest." ......
These words shattered my heart like a brick going through a window. I sat their amongst them all trying to blend in while tears streamed down my face. How wonderfully unexpected these words were to my heart. I let them roll around inside my mouth before I muttered them to myself "One day you get to lay your head on my chest." no no my spirit said, that isn't what he said. You're right, "one day ill let you lay your head on my chest." No, you're saying it wrong. I thought about this for a while. what was I getting wrong? The statement was simple "im going too" not, I GET TOO,or ILL LET you. To say either of these would imply that the pleasure would be all mine. But he didn't say that. He'd said "one day you're going too." The pleasure would be his as well as mine.
Its been weeks since he said that and my heart is still tender to this truth. A promise of one day and a glimpse into the future that is to come. But for some reason this statement goes beyond its obvious beauty. It makes my heart flutter in a way that I've been trying to understand, when today I think I was able to tie a string to perhaps why this is so profound to me. This idea of laying my head on his chest, looks like the picture of a father daughter relationship to me. I've been blessed to have parents still married and who love me, but my dad is not an affectionate father (I don't say any of this for even a shred of sympathy. I have a wonderful relationship with my dad, but this is how I saw it) you see my dad never hugged, or kissed or said I love you. My family is as unaffectionate as they come and yet I married into a VERY affectionate and close nit family. Affection has been something so uncomfortable to me that while dating Ferrill, one time he hugged me for what felt like forever,and when he drove away I cried because it felt so foreign to me, and I cried because I knew it shouldn't. The first several years of our marriage felt like a different world, full of cards, and meaningful texts and holidays full of sweet traditions. If I am ever warm to you in any way it is because Jesus has been warm to me and so has my husband and his beautiful family. I like the person their hugs have made me into.
I cant imagine what it would be like to rest my head on my heavenly father. I found myself dreaming today of what that might be like. I have found in his so much freedom. Freedom to rest, freedom to hope and dream, freedom to love and perhaps most importantly (to me personally) freedom to fail. Love,rest,hope.... these things all come freely but not necessarily easy for me to operate in, but failure, failure is easy to do. I think of all the times and areas I have failed in. Some personal and some public. I think of times and moments I failed in purity, in both the heart and in the flesh. I think of tasks never completed, promises never kept, and beautiful testimonies never shared. I think of my sins and how I will always be a sinner. But in his embrace their is freedom to fail. It was expected and accepted. He throws his blanket of mercy over us as we cozy up and I learn to become comfortable knowing that I will fail a lot in this life. He is truly the father of love. He is the father who responds appropriately in every situation, takes his time to teach what's needed to mature, and he is a father who gives the best gifts to his children. He is a father who sacrificed greatly out of love and kindness while I was behaving like a pig rolling around in mud. He calls his children to himself and his voice is full of peace and safety. One day, I will see him. My goal in this life is to make the transition from here to heaven as smooth as possible. What I mean by this is, sometimes i'll drive a long ways to get to my friends house and sometimes we talk on the phone the whole way until I get there and I hang up only when I get to the front step because we can actually talk in person now. I plan to make it like that. I believe that closeness is possible.
As this day comes to an end I feel... secure. As my body rests after another day of living in a world that tries to seduce me, I can lay my head down on my pillow and dream that its him, and how wonderful that day will be.
So where are we on the house thing you asked? well,a wild thing has happened only as of a few days ago. Our living arrangement now (here in our friends home) is full of ease and grace and fun if I dare say so. But the Lord is up to something that im not quit ready to share yet. But he is good, always faithful, and very impressive. Goodnight to you all dear friends. I hope to have a wonderful house story coming soon. xoxo
A blog about life and all the thoughts that come with it. "Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom." Song of Solomon 2:15
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Away We Go
So I have retyped this post now at least 3 times. How is it possible I have so much to share since its only been a month since my last emotional outburst. Ooooops... I mean blog. well I do have crazy stuff to tell those of you who are curious. By the way I do appreciate that you take the time to read these things. I enjoy writing but I really enjoy documenting things. I cant tell you how many times I've gone back to re-read old journals or old posts and find it so encouraging to see where we were and where we are now and all that the Lord has been so faithful to do.
okay here we go. So we started looking at rentals right away. The first 2 we pursued were total scams! They wanted us to transfer funds to their bank and THEN they'd mail us a key to view the property blah blah blah. And then we found this great house. When I say great I mean it was in our budget with the space we needed and in a decent neighborhood. It didn't move my heart but I suppose not everything in life has too. So we contacted that management company filled out our application and waited, and waited ,and waited and nothing. We never got a call back from the owner, he never returned my emails etc. So strange right! And it hadn't rented out to anyone, its just sitting empty. I didn't know if this house was "the " house for us so I just always said "Lord your will be done" because I'm not sure if this is resistance or you not wanting us to be there. At this point I'm feeling pretty discouraged and frustrated. So lets fast forward to Sunday a week ago.
Ferrill wakes me up at 4am to tell me this dream he'd just had. Ferrill doesn't have dreams often but when he does weird things start happening. ( some of you may understand what I mean by this and some of you may not) he goes on to tell me in this dream a woman from church comes to him and says "I'm worried about you and Sharon taking on more than you can handle by renting a house." right after that another woman from church comes up to him and says " The Lord wants me to paint a landscape of your life and He says its the verse I used to pray over my oldest son when he was a baby." Ferrill then wakes up and is overwhelmed by the presence of the Lord in our room. Well the next day he calls this second woman from our church that was in the dream and tells it to her. She said "My son is 35, how would I ever remember 1 verse I prayed over him?!" She says she had a journal at home somewhere that she would write in while she was pregnant with him and she would see if there were any verses in it that could help. 3 hours later she calls and says "you're never going to believe this but their is one verse in that whole journal and its Isaiah 52:13." That verse says See, my servant shall act wisely. He will be raised and lifted up and highly exalted!
Whoa crazy right. So the next 3 days I would hear Ferrill all day long praying "Lord give me your servant wisdom. Be exalted in our lives and in this situation were in." On Wednesday he calls me and says, as he's been praying he feels like the Lord is showing him that he wants us to buy a house and not rent! oh geeez I thought. It had been only about a year since we sold our home in Kansas city and I couldn't believe he was even open to the idea. We had to do a short sale and it wasn't an easy process by any means. We both continued praying and once again id just say to the Lord "your will be done" I hadn't even thought of buying a house! That same day he contacts a realtor to see if it would even be possible. She tells us their is a slim chance, but would love to help us. You could literally feel her cringe when we told her we needed to be out of our place by April 1st." I Mean, it could happen but the chances are so slim." So ferrill prayed some more. Then he called me again. "I feel like the Lord has shown me a family in our church that we should ask to stay with while were waiting out the process of buying. I'm going to call them to see if they can meet today and discuss it." I was thinking this was all pretty crazy at this point. Within hours we had gone from looking at rentals to hoping to buy and move in with someone! And it was all coming from what the Lord was sharing with my husband (which I will say was quite sexy, but also slightly stressful) I was really going to have to believe and trust in both my husband and God if this was really going to happen.
So The wife of the couple comes to church before service Wednesday to talk with Ferrill in his office. He goes on to tell her about the dream and that he feels like the Lord had a home for us to own and not rent. She quickly asks Ferrill "Are you about to ask if you and Sharon can move into our house?" He smiles and says "why yes... yes I was." And she starts laughing. Apparently that morning during prayer the Lord had already spoken to her and said "The Gallaways are going to be staying with you for a while." And although she hadn't expected the conversation to come up so quickly, nor why we would be needing to stay she was prepared with her reply, which was yes. Ferrill called me back and just like that a plan was in place. Of course we met over lunch with the couple to discuss details but clearly the Lord was up to something. My husband is practically radiating faith for us right now and our household has been consumed with peace ever since. So... we are moving in with them in about 2 weeks, by then we will hopefully know what loan we can get and will pursue looking for a place. I will say even the idea of owning a home again goes beyond what I could have hoped the Lord to do for us. whether its a fast transition or one that takes the next year or so I'm always amazed at the Lords desire to bless us.
How do I feel about all this? Well, The Lords been speaking to me about being a whole hearted servant. When he asked me the other day if I thought I was one, I easily said yes, duh. Then when I studied what it really meant (which is to without any reservation or delay, attend to the Lord) I remembered back on all the times the Lord had spoke to me to do what he desired. To marry...to move many times... to become pastors...to adopt a baby, and I couldn't think of a single time I did any of these things without reservation or delaying. Every stinking time my heart was reluctant to do what I knew he was asking me to do, but the results were always the same. He always made a way, he always provided, he always blessed us. So now having been made aware of this about myself I don't want to just be obedient to him, but I want to participate without any reservations! To simply obey is good, but their is an even better way, one that requires the heart to invest fully. And if that's buying a home or adopting another baby or moving overseas I want to be excited about his plan because it is so perfect and so good. That's how I feel.
I was at a friends house for dinner last night and I was tossing sweet Finley up in the air and it was so sweet how shed just relax and giggle as I caught her every time. We both thought isn't it so wild and beautiful how trusting babies are. If Jesus himself were tossing me up in the air id be saying, "don't drop me don't drop me!" but I'm sure all Finley felt was "I trust you I trust you I trust you!" and I want to be more like that. I can trust God, and I will trust Him. Id be a fool not too. So that's the scoop . Be praying for us as we transition into the great unknown. Pray for a supernatural loan and a home that radiates another testimony of his greatness. Your will be done Lord.
Until next time. xoxo -Sharon
okay here we go. So we started looking at rentals right away. The first 2 we pursued were total scams! They wanted us to transfer funds to their bank and THEN they'd mail us a key to view the property blah blah blah. And then we found this great house. When I say great I mean it was in our budget with the space we needed and in a decent neighborhood. It didn't move my heart but I suppose not everything in life has too. So we contacted that management company filled out our application and waited, and waited ,and waited and nothing. We never got a call back from the owner, he never returned my emails etc. So strange right! And it hadn't rented out to anyone, its just sitting empty. I didn't know if this house was "the " house for us so I just always said "Lord your will be done" because I'm not sure if this is resistance or you not wanting us to be there. At this point I'm feeling pretty discouraged and frustrated. So lets fast forward to Sunday a week ago.
Ferrill wakes me up at 4am to tell me this dream he'd just had. Ferrill doesn't have dreams often but when he does weird things start happening. ( some of you may understand what I mean by this and some of you may not) he goes on to tell me in this dream a woman from church comes to him and says "I'm worried about you and Sharon taking on more than you can handle by renting a house." right after that another woman from church comes up to him and says " The Lord wants me to paint a landscape of your life and He says its the verse I used to pray over my oldest son when he was a baby." Ferrill then wakes up and is overwhelmed by the presence of the Lord in our room. Well the next day he calls this second woman from our church that was in the dream and tells it to her. She said "My son is 35, how would I ever remember 1 verse I prayed over him?!" She says she had a journal at home somewhere that she would write in while she was pregnant with him and she would see if there were any verses in it that could help. 3 hours later she calls and says "you're never going to believe this but their is one verse in that whole journal and its Isaiah 52:13." That verse says See, my servant shall act wisely. He will be raised and lifted up and highly exalted!
Whoa crazy right. So the next 3 days I would hear Ferrill all day long praying "Lord give me your servant wisdom. Be exalted in our lives and in this situation were in." On Wednesday he calls me and says, as he's been praying he feels like the Lord is showing him that he wants us to buy a house and not rent! oh geeez I thought. It had been only about a year since we sold our home in Kansas city and I couldn't believe he was even open to the idea. We had to do a short sale and it wasn't an easy process by any means. We both continued praying and once again id just say to the Lord "your will be done" I hadn't even thought of buying a house! That same day he contacts a realtor to see if it would even be possible. She tells us their is a slim chance, but would love to help us. You could literally feel her cringe when we told her we needed to be out of our place by April 1st." I Mean, it could happen but the chances are so slim." So ferrill prayed some more. Then he called me again. "I feel like the Lord has shown me a family in our church that we should ask to stay with while were waiting out the process of buying. I'm going to call them to see if they can meet today and discuss it." I was thinking this was all pretty crazy at this point. Within hours we had gone from looking at rentals to hoping to buy and move in with someone! And it was all coming from what the Lord was sharing with my husband (which I will say was quite sexy, but also slightly stressful) I was really going to have to believe and trust in both my husband and God if this was really going to happen.
So The wife of the couple comes to church before service Wednesday to talk with Ferrill in his office. He goes on to tell her about the dream and that he feels like the Lord had a home for us to own and not rent. She quickly asks Ferrill "Are you about to ask if you and Sharon can move into our house?" He smiles and says "why yes... yes I was." And she starts laughing. Apparently that morning during prayer the Lord had already spoken to her and said "The Gallaways are going to be staying with you for a while." And although she hadn't expected the conversation to come up so quickly, nor why we would be needing to stay she was prepared with her reply, which was yes. Ferrill called me back and just like that a plan was in place. Of course we met over lunch with the couple to discuss details but clearly the Lord was up to something. My husband is practically radiating faith for us right now and our household has been consumed with peace ever since. So... we are moving in with them in about 2 weeks, by then we will hopefully know what loan we can get and will pursue looking for a place. I will say even the idea of owning a home again goes beyond what I could have hoped the Lord to do for us. whether its a fast transition or one that takes the next year or so I'm always amazed at the Lords desire to bless us.
How do I feel about all this? Well, The Lords been speaking to me about being a whole hearted servant. When he asked me the other day if I thought I was one, I easily said yes, duh. Then when I studied what it really meant (which is to without any reservation or delay, attend to the Lord) I remembered back on all the times the Lord had spoke to me to do what he desired. To marry...to move many times... to become pastors...to adopt a baby, and I couldn't think of a single time I did any of these things without reservation or delaying. Every stinking time my heart was reluctant to do what I knew he was asking me to do, but the results were always the same. He always made a way, he always provided, he always blessed us. So now having been made aware of this about myself I don't want to just be obedient to him, but I want to participate without any reservations! To simply obey is good, but their is an even better way, one that requires the heart to invest fully. And if that's buying a home or adopting another baby or moving overseas I want to be excited about his plan because it is so perfect and so good. That's how I feel.
I was at a friends house for dinner last night and I was tossing sweet Finley up in the air and it was so sweet how shed just relax and giggle as I caught her every time. We both thought isn't it so wild and beautiful how trusting babies are. If Jesus himself were tossing me up in the air id be saying, "don't drop me don't drop me!" but I'm sure all Finley felt was "I trust you I trust you I trust you!" and I want to be more like that. I can trust God, and I will trust Him. Id be a fool not too. So that's the scoop . Be praying for us as we transition into the great unknown. Pray for a supernatural loan and a home that radiates another testimony of his greatness. Your will be done Lord.
Until next time. xoxo -Sharon
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Moving On
About a week ago Ferrill calls me from the office "I don't really know how to put this so im just gonna come out and say it. Our landlord would like us to move out by April 1st."
Now for most of you that don't know ferrill and I have been blessed to rent a very modest 950 square foot home since moving to Florida. Its inexpensive rent has been the thing that has allowed us to save for our adoption, to pay off any small miscellaneous debts we've had and allowed me the joy of staying home with Finley worry free. It was a surprise that took a day or 2 to process. The situation is 100% understandable and right. The landlord would have the great privilege of blessing his daughter and soon to be son in-law with the home that was his mothers. It will be the same blessing for them as it has been for us. No anger or hurt feelings have been felt.
A lot is changing around here. Its a new year that's already come with new roles and responsibilities at church. Weve been doing college ministry in our home every week and its growing requiring more space than we have. Things in court finalized in December and a stable address matching all the paperwork is no longer needed. It is the ideal time for change I suppose.
This is the part that surprises me though. I have very little faith in this situation. (I don't know why im even telling you this. Its embarrassing and not something im proud of) But true. My heart is a tug of war between having hope and desires for our next place and being very realistic about our situation. The feelings I keep choking down are that well have to pay hundreds more a month than we do now for half the space. The next place wont allow me to paint or do yard work that is to me what makes a place feel like a home.(because im a country girl and their are no condos in the country) That I will need to find consistent part time work. That to accommodate what we need and what we can afford will mean living even further away from the church than we do. I say all this realizing we all go through things like this, as we move, have more children, change jobs or lose jobs. This is life. Im disappointed in myself that after everything we've gone through... I still don't fully put every ounce of trust I have in the Lord. This is the real problem. Not the living situation but the condition of my heart. This about myself is what worries me most.
This is still something im processing and looking into. What happened? Im that girl that believes God cares about the little things and does them just for a good laugh. I know things that in life really don't matter, matter to him and he ravishes his love on us. So why would my God care about those things and not the bigger like finding a home? Did I not wake up to a healthy daughter this morning that was a total miracle from him? Did he not always have every situation covered before it occurred? Why is God so relentless with this faith stuff and learning to trust in him. (deeeeeeeep sigh) Im such a brat.
So last night I walked into Finley's room which is one area of our house that is just totally saturated with the presence of God. (makes since with all the prayer and tears spent in there these past few years) and immediately I sit in front of her bed and start crying. As woman we often just need to let those emotions flow before we can really see what's going on. I was happy it was here and not in target which is another place the presence of God is. Its always pure bliss to finally be that mom wearing workout cloths (although I didn't work out and im sure 99% of those other chicks didn't either) and order my latte while shopping for shoes or baby stuff. Anyway back to what I was saying... I cried in her room and just emptied myself. Perhaps being asked to leave did hurt a little, perhaps it made me sad to hear God saying it was time to move on. Time for a new undiscovered season. Time to dig another well in my heart and let him teach me something new and beautiful.
The response I got from him was this.
" It is you that makes what I wanted to be an advantage, something complicated. I tell you not to worry and instead of you being thankful for that portion as my child you call it foolish and unwise. You say you are upset that you "didn't save more while you had the chance" when what you really mean is im uncomfortable relying on you once again as my sole provider. But even now my grace is with you. I take no offense to your nonsense and am always amazed at how even though you have yet to see me face to face-you believe that I am God"
At this point I lift my head to see if ive wakened Finley with all this crying. She sleeps peacefully. I look at her flawless face and adore everything about her. The Lord says
"Your daughter does not worry about where she will live or what she will eat, did I not tell you to do the same? And to be like them? She fully trusts in you without fear or concern and as much as your heart feels heavy to care for her, my heart feels that so much more. I had many things going on behind the scenes with her that you were totally and blissfully unaware of until one perfect day when my plan was made known to you. And so it will be with this. "
I layed there and accepted this truth (that's not true.. I wallered in it like a filthy pig wanting every inch of me to be covered in its goodness)
I don't know why im saying all of this, although writing is a personal self help for me. Perhap I don't mind people seeing my low points because many people have this idea of what it must be like being a pastor. We "have it so good" and I know many of you think this because you've sent me house listings where the rent is $1200-$1500+ which is almost twice our budget,and its true we love what we do, but im no more saved than you are, and very few people get to see behind the curtains of a pastors life. Where you work super hard and sacrifice a lot, cry more than most people, carry heavy burdens and where God is relentless on this thing called faith,because to be in the position youre in means its already been tested and found true. So this will be know different im sure. At least when he does it youll see just how undeserving I am. The girl that has faith for $30,000 and an overnight adoption but isn't sure about where to live. Its humbling.
Ill let you know where we end up since we have only a few shorts weeks before we know. Aren't you curious to see what happens now? yea,me too.
Now for most of you that don't know ferrill and I have been blessed to rent a very modest 950 square foot home since moving to Florida. Its inexpensive rent has been the thing that has allowed us to save for our adoption, to pay off any small miscellaneous debts we've had and allowed me the joy of staying home with Finley worry free. It was a surprise that took a day or 2 to process. The situation is 100% understandable and right. The landlord would have the great privilege of blessing his daughter and soon to be son in-law with the home that was his mothers. It will be the same blessing for them as it has been for us. No anger or hurt feelings have been felt.
A lot is changing around here. Its a new year that's already come with new roles and responsibilities at church. Weve been doing college ministry in our home every week and its growing requiring more space than we have. Things in court finalized in December and a stable address matching all the paperwork is no longer needed. It is the ideal time for change I suppose.
This is the part that surprises me though. I have very little faith in this situation. (I don't know why im even telling you this. Its embarrassing and not something im proud of) But true. My heart is a tug of war between having hope and desires for our next place and being very realistic about our situation. The feelings I keep choking down are that well have to pay hundreds more a month than we do now for half the space. The next place wont allow me to paint or do yard work that is to me what makes a place feel like a home.(because im a country girl and their are no condos in the country) That I will need to find consistent part time work. That to accommodate what we need and what we can afford will mean living even further away from the church than we do. I say all this realizing we all go through things like this, as we move, have more children, change jobs or lose jobs. This is life. Im disappointed in myself that after everything we've gone through... I still don't fully put every ounce of trust I have in the Lord. This is the real problem. Not the living situation but the condition of my heart. This about myself is what worries me most.
This is still something im processing and looking into. What happened? Im that girl that believes God cares about the little things and does them just for a good laugh. I know things that in life really don't matter, matter to him and he ravishes his love on us. So why would my God care about those things and not the bigger like finding a home? Did I not wake up to a healthy daughter this morning that was a total miracle from him? Did he not always have every situation covered before it occurred? Why is God so relentless with this faith stuff and learning to trust in him. (deeeeeeeep sigh) Im such a brat.
So last night I walked into Finley's room which is one area of our house that is just totally saturated with the presence of God. (makes since with all the prayer and tears spent in there these past few years) and immediately I sit in front of her bed and start crying. As woman we often just need to let those emotions flow before we can really see what's going on. I was happy it was here and not in target which is another place the presence of God is. Its always pure bliss to finally be that mom wearing workout cloths (although I didn't work out and im sure 99% of those other chicks didn't either) and order my latte while shopping for shoes or baby stuff. Anyway back to what I was saying... I cried in her room and just emptied myself. Perhaps being asked to leave did hurt a little, perhaps it made me sad to hear God saying it was time to move on. Time for a new undiscovered season. Time to dig another well in my heart and let him teach me something new and beautiful.
The response I got from him was this.
" It is you that makes what I wanted to be an advantage, something complicated. I tell you not to worry and instead of you being thankful for that portion as my child you call it foolish and unwise. You say you are upset that you "didn't save more while you had the chance" when what you really mean is im uncomfortable relying on you once again as my sole provider. But even now my grace is with you. I take no offense to your nonsense and am always amazed at how even though you have yet to see me face to face-you believe that I am God"
At this point I lift my head to see if ive wakened Finley with all this crying. She sleeps peacefully. I look at her flawless face and adore everything about her. The Lord says
"Your daughter does not worry about where she will live or what she will eat, did I not tell you to do the same? And to be like them? She fully trusts in you without fear or concern and as much as your heart feels heavy to care for her, my heart feels that so much more. I had many things going on behind the scenes with her that you were totally and blissfully unaware of until one perfect day when my plan was made known to you. And so it will be with this. "
I layed there and accepted this truth (that's not true.. I wallered in it like a filthy pig wanting every inch of me to be covered in its goodness)
I don't know why im saying all of this, although writing is a personal self help for me. Perhap I don't mind people seeing my low points because many people have this idea of what it must be like being a pastor. We "have it so good" and I know many of you think this because you've sent me house listings where the rent is $1200-$1500+ which is almost twice our budget,and its true we love what we do, but im no more saved than you are, and very few people get to see behind the curtains of a pastors life. Where you work super hard and sacrifice a lot, cry more than most people, carry heavy burdens and where God is relentless on this thing called faith,because to be in the position youre in means its already been tested and found true. So this will be know different im sure. At least when he does it youll see just how undeserving I am. The girl that has faith for $30,000 and an overnight adoption but isn't sure about where to live. Its humbling.
Ill let you know where we end up since we have only a few shorts weeks before we know. Aren't you curious to see what happens now? yea,me too.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Once & For All
Yesterday was the day we finalized the adoption in court. The night before I couldn't sleep. I wasn't nervous I was just curious to know what that day would feel like. The morning came full of peace and ease. Finley was in the best of moods as we scooped her out of her bed and brought her into ours for the morning. Ferrill and I lay there looking at each other while she cooed and said to one another "we did it. The day is finally here." We sipped coffee with a side of victory.
At 11:20 we were sworn in by the judge stating our names, address and that we are responsible for caring for now baby "Gallaway" and no longer her previous name. It was a moment of great pride as we replied a firm yes to their questions. "Do you understand your obligations to this child as of this day forward?" "Yes." "Do you understand this child will be able to inherit as if your own nature born child?"Yes" To be honest it all happened in a flash. The judge stamped loudly our paperwork, we took a few pictures and we were done. Just like that, we were finally done. Finley managed to stay awake for the appearance and passed out immediately afterwards. We walked down the long long hallways of the courthouse to leave as I heald her and I felt as though a heavy coat was being taken off of me. suddenly my pace felt a little quicker than before, my heart freer than it had been. It felt official finally. Perhaps somewhere in my mind layed a seed of concern that someone may show up and undue this beautiful thing .That my new family was still in jeopardy. But no one and nothing did. And today began a brand new day. Today is the first day that after one and a half years I am no longer "in the process of adoption." Today and for the rest of my life I am the mother to a beautiful girl named Ms. Finley Elizabeth Gallaway.
As if everyday doesn't have its own special moments, ive grown fond of having specific ones. Ill be someplace were suddenly I vividly remember being there before while my heart was going through all its troubles. One in particular is in my back yard sitting in a lawn chair staring up into a tree looking to find a raccoon I named Craig. When id left my previous job to start staying home with the april baby and it didn't wok out I would sit out there for hours watching that silly raccoon. Feeling mostly pathetic that this was what my great adventure had come too and trying to keep my mind off of the situation. Only the other day I took a minute to relax in that chair,I looked up searching for Craig whod left my tree for a better one months ago and I had a flash back to that time only to have it swiftly swept away by the faint cries of a waking babe. I pause to take in those special redeeming moments and give thanks.
Last New Years I journaled a promise from the Lord. He told me "at the end of this year you will laugh." So many times this one phrase was the hope I held onto, when things got bad id often look to the sky and mumble "im not laughing God!" his quick rebuttal was always "then it isn't over yet." I hope her presence in my life always reminds me to choose to say yes to what God is asking of me, knowing that he has this INCREDIBLE and perfect plan that I can trust in. I could have said no. That though is sickening to me. God would have allowed me to say no and I would have missed out on all of this. I hope when the next task comes (because it certainly will) that he finds my heart eagerly waiting and ready ,allowing his perfect love to cast out any fear.
So this is the end you guys (and really the beginning) but you know what I mean. I don't know when i'll write or share publicly like this again. (oh dear. im tearing up... wow I didn't see this coming) its just how can I possibly thank you enough. For your time,for your thoughts and prayers? For your giving? For your interest in us at all. Many of you walked with us through this and often I found comfort in your words and in your friendship. Thank you for everything, from the bottom of my heart,thank you.
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most o us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief or bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing ,and face with us the reality of our powerlessness.This is a friend who cares. -Henry JM Nouwen
The End.
At 11:20 we were sworn in by the judge stating our names, address and that we are responsible for caring for now baby "Gallaway" and no longer her previous name. It was a moment of great pride as we replied a firm yes to their questions. "Do you understand your obligations to this child as of this day forward?" "Yes." "Do you understand this child will be able to inherit as if your own nature born child?"Yes" To be honest it all happened in a flash. The judge stamped loudly our paperwork, we took a few pictures and we were done. Just like that, we were finally done. Finley managed to stay awake for the appearance and passed out immediately afterwards. We walked down the long long hallways of the courthouse to leave as I heald her and I felt as though a heavy coat was being taken off of me. suddenly my pace felt a little quicker than before, my heart freer than it had been. It felt official finally. Perhaps somewhere in my mind layed a seed of concern that someone may show up and undue this beautiful thing .That my new family was still in jeopardy. But no one and nothing did. And today began a brand new day. Today is the first day that after one and a half years I am no longer "in the process of adoption." Today and for the rest of my life I am the mother to a beautiful girl named Ms. Finley Elizabeth Gallaway.
As if everyday doesn't have its own special moments, ive grown fond of having specific ones. Ill be someplace were suddenly I vividly remember being there before while my heart was going through all its troubles. One in particular is in my back yard sitting in a lawn chair staring up into a tree looking to find a raccoon I named Craig. When id left my previous job to start staying home with the april baby and it didn't wok out I would sit out there for hours watching that silly raccoon. Feeling mostly pathetic that this was what my great adventure had come too and trying to keep my mind off of the situation. Only the other day I took a minute to relax in that chair,I looked up searching for Craig whod left my tree for a better one months ago and I had a flash back to that time only to have it swiftly swept away by the faint cries of a waking babe. I pause to take in those special redeeming moments and give thanks.
Last New Years I journaled a promise from the Lord. He told me "at the end of this year you will laugh." So many times this one phrase was the hope I held onto, when things got bad id often look to the sky and mumble "im not laughing God!" his quick rebuttal was always "then it isn't over yet." I hope her presence in my life always reminds me to choose to say yes to what God is asking of me, knowing that he has this INCREDIBLE and perfect plan that I can trust in. I could have said no. That though is sickening to me. God would have allowed me to say no and I would have missed out on all of this. I hope when the next task comes (because it certainly will) that he finds my heart eagerly waiting and ready ,allowing his perfect love to cast out any fear.
So this is the end you guys (and really the beginning) but you know what I mean. I don't know when i'll write or share publicly like this again. (oh dear. im tearing up... wow I didn't see this coming) its just how can I possibly thank you enough. For your time,for your thoughts and prayers? For your giving? For your interest in us at all. Many of you walked with us through this and often I found comfort in your words and in your friendship. Thank you for everything, from the bottom of my heart,thank you.
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most o us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief or bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing ,and face with us the reality of our powerlessness.This is a friend who cares. -Henry JM Nouwen
The End.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Mastering Choices
One thing I used to observe about many mothers was how consuming of a role it appeared to be.Sometimes it seemed sweet and sometimes scary to think of the thought of almost loosing ones self in this new identity of motherhood. You hear so often "your whole life will change. Nothing will EVER be the same. Good luck ever (sleeping, showering, going out) ever again!" I know many woman who say that their child is #1 and then themselves, and then their spouse, maybe vice versa if the guy is lucky. That never made since to me. So I braced myself for this tittle wave of motherhood that would consume every part of me... but it never came. Not at all like that at least. It surprised (not disappointed) me when days went on and I felt totally like the same person. Although I love and am committed to my daughter she has not overtaken who I am, and in that I am relieved. Weeks ago I was thinking about this and stood in the door way and without thought I said out loud while holding her "Jesus, you are still my first love." At this I felt a little like I was betraying what is normal, but also proud that my heart was not stolen from the one who has given me everything.
One thing I have found to be tricky about being a mom thus far are all the choices. Do I feed myself first or her? Do I nap while she naps or do house work (or more realistically do I watch Netflix)? Do I brave going to buy groceries or wait until another time? Do I go out of town or no? on and on motherhood appears to be a constant state of choices, but the one choice I hadnt figured out was this. Lord how do I spend time with you now?
I have such an awareness in myself that I need God to do this motherhood/wife/friend/daughter/sister thing well. But where is the time? The time ive spent reading my bible these past few months has been so little. Over and over again ill put Finley down for a nap and grab my bible, make a coffee and sit on my patio and I promise you the moment I settle in to spend intentional time with him she cries. This past time it happened was almost amusing and when I heard her wake up I looked up to the sky and said "Lord! surely you see my intentions.im so sorry but it doesn't look like today will work" This happens so often. I was listening to a friend of mine weeks ago who has 2 young kids say "my relationship with God used to be so good, real and tangible, but now... its as if I don't know who he is." We both stared at each other wondering how this kind of thing happens, and when/if it will happen to me?
I recently voiced my concern of all this to the Lord and was wowed by the simplicity of his answer. When I asked "Lord how do I take care of Finley and also go off to spend time with you?" his simple response was" I never intended for you to separate the two things. Don't put your daughter down and be with me... pick her up and be with me." surprisingly never once had I thought to do that. For my whole saved life its only ever been he and I. How beautiful of a thought it was to me to think I would be the one to introduce my daughter to Jesus as we spent time in his presence together. So lately when given the chance each day Finley and I lay in bed and I read the bible out loud and talk to the Lord about life.
Why am I saying all of this? I feel like I have friends falling from the Lord left and right and not because of sin really, but because life happened and although they may or may not attend church, are really involved and have what appears to be these wonderful lives, they aren't in love with the Lord like they once were. Instead of their light growing brighter I see it growing dimmer. And to be honest it scares me. I want to learn how to be present with him in this life while life is pulling on me from every direction. I write this because I wonder if you're like my friend with 2 kids who doesn't remember. The Lord is so patient. So in love with not what we have to offer but who we are. He chooses us even on the days we don't chose him. And although he would never guilt or shame you into himself, im sure he misses you.
Revelations 2:2
"I know your deeds, your hard work and perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate evil, that you have tested those who claim to be something they are not and found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this one thing against you. You have forsaken your first love."
One thing I have found to be tricky about being a mom thus far are all the choices. Do I feed myself first or her? Do I nap while she naps or do house work (or more realistically do I watch Netflix)? Do I brave going to buy groceries or wait until another time? Do I go out of town or no? on and on motherhood appears to be a constant state of choices, but the one choice I hadnt figured out was this. Lord how do I spend time with you now?
I have such an awareness in myself that I need God to do this motherhood/wife/friend/daughter/sister thing well. But where is the time? The time ive spent reading my bible these past few months has been so little. Over and over again ill put Finley down for a nap and grab my bible, make a coffee and sit on my patio and I promise you the moment I settle in to spend intentional time with him she cries. This past time it happened was almost amusing and when I heard her wake up I looked up to the sky and said "Lord! surely you see my intentions.im so sorry but it doesn't look like today will work" This happens so often. I was listening to a friend of mine weeks ago who has 2 young kids say "my relationship with God used to be so good, real and tangible, but now... its as if I don't know who he is." We both stared at each other wondering how this kind of thing happens, and when/if it will happen to me?
I recently voiced my concern of all this to the Lord and was wowed by the simplicity of his answer. When I asked "Lord how do I take care of Finley and also go off to spend time with you?" his simple response was" I never intended for you to separate the two things. Don't put your daughter down and be with me... pick her up and be with me." surprisingly never once had I thought to do that. For my whole saved life its only ever been he and I. How beautiful of a thought it was to me to think I would be the one to introduce my daughter to Jesus as we spent time in his presence together. So lately when given the chance each day Finley and I lay in bed and I read the bible out loud and talk to the Lord about life.
Why am I saying all of this? I feel like I have friends falling from the Lord left and right and not because of sin really, but because life happened and although they may or may not attend church, are really involved and have what appears to be these wonderful lives, they aren't in love with the Lord like they once were. Instead of their light growing brighter I see it growing dimmer. And to be honest it scares me. I want to learn how to be present with him in this life while life is pulling on me from every direction. I write this because I wonder if you're like my friend with 2 kids who doesn't remember. The Lord is so patient. So in love with not what we have to offer but who we are. He chooses us even on the days we don't chose him. And although he would never guilt or shame you into himself, im sure he misses you.
Revelations 2:2
"I know your deeds, your hard work and perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate evil, that you have tested those who claim to be something they are not and found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this one thing against you. You have forsaken your first love."
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Finley Elizabeth
Our sweet Finley was 4 weeks old on Sunday. Ive sat down at least three times to write and ive just wanted to say so much that I got over whelmed and never finished. To make things short and sweet, having Finley is a dream come true. We love being parents. I have nothing,not one single thing negative to say or complain about. Of course she cries, yes we wake up every 2-3 hours, but she was so desired and so wanted that we welcome it all with nothing but smiles and so far not even a hint of frustration. Weve been blessed with what appears to be an easy and none complicated baby.
If you don't already know how stunning she is,my dearest friend and photographer made the 6 hour drive just 4 days after we brought her home. You can view those images on her website and personal blog here. www.tirzahphotography/blog.com
Often it is all overwhelming.Not her nor motherhood,but God.
One interesting thing that happen was the second night she was home with us I had this wild dream. I drempt I had a lion up against a wall and he was roaring and striking his giant paw towards me and I would just kick him relentlessly. All night long with no fear I kicked this lion until I woke up.Such a strange dream. I dream a lot but never before about a lion. Then I remembered in 1Peter 5:8 it says "Be sober,be diligent,because your adversary the devil walks around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour." when I reread this I cried like a baby. What a representation of our victory. It says he is LIKE a lion,he imitates,but never forget he is anything but who he claims to be. He will roar at you most in the area I believe you are destined to walk in. So ask yourself, in what area has he come to threaten you?
Tuesday Ferrill and I took Finley to an outdoor shopping area to stroll.It was our first. Only one other time have I experienced a feeling similar to that stroll.It was when Ferrill and I first got married and months later we were taking a flight to Oklahoma.I blushed when I got my first flight ticket that said Sharon Gallaway row 15C and no longer Sharon Richardson.When the person sitting beside me saw my ring and asked if I was getting married, I said I was already a newly wed and introduced my "husband" Ferrill. Strolling was that same magical feeling of pride. Like putting on your favorite coat when the seasons have changed.I doubt ive ever felt so beautiful as I did with her.
So I'll end this post with this last story.Tonight Finley insisted on only being held and I didn't mind.We sat and rocked as we stared at each other and I felt this overwelming urge to sing. (I dont sing) but something sprung up from a very deep and at this time forgotten place in my heart. It was a song that Id heard years ago and fell in love with. During the ends and outs of this adoption I would play it over and over again.Sometimes praying,sometimes grieving. Many times I would just sit in the car and cry,and wonder,and hope. I pulled it up on my phone to play Finley calling it "our song" and im not even kidding when I say she must have grinned 10 times while it played. The Lord purged the old pains of my heart and I wept as he healed me even further.Sometimes I just say "shes here!" The one that the Lord had my heart carry for 14 months but was quick to labor is actually here,and I let that refreshing relief wash over me. So hear is something very private for you to enjoy. May you realize that the Lord is with you wherever you are.
Love,
Ferrill, Sharon, & Finley
If you don't already know how stunning she is,my dearest friend and photographer made the 6 hour drive just 4 days after we brought her home. You can view those images on her website and personal blog here. www.tirzahphotography/blog.com
Often it is all overwhelming.Not her nor motherhood,but God.
He has in the past weeks truly overwhelmed my heart with love. Ive never held a promise of God before. Ive seen him be so faithful and good. Answer prayers,provide in wild ways and do miracles, but never had those things layed their sweet head on my chest or had a heart beat. Ive never experienced a promise and desire fulfilled in such an intimate way.So many years I have spoken and declared truth,and had moments were it was just rehearsed, and here she lays,in my arms. She is my very own fruit of the truth of Gods word. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes,it is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12
One interesting thing that happen was the second night she was home with us I had this wild dream. I drempt I had a lion up against a wall and he was roaring and striking his giant paw towards me and I would just kick him relentlessly. All night long with no fear I kicked this lion until I woke up.Such a strange dream. I dream a lot but never before about a lion. Then I remembered in 1Peter 5:8 it says "Be sober,be diligent,because your adversary the devil walks around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour." when I reread this I cried like a baby. What a representation of our victory. It says he is LIKE a lion,he imitates,but never forget he is anything but who he claims to be. He will roar at you most in the area I believe you are destined to walk in. So ask yourself, in what area has he come to threaten you?
Tuesday Ferrill and I took Finley to an outdoor shopping area to stroll.It was our first. Only one other time have I experienced a feeling similar to that stroll.It was when Ferrill and I first got married and months later we were taking a flight to Oklahoma.I blushed when I got my first flight ticket that said Sharon Gallaway row 15C and no longer Sharon Richardson.When the person sitting beside me saw my ring and asked if I was getting married, I said I was already a newly wed and introduced my "husband" Ferrill. Strolling was that same magical feeling of pride. Like putting on your favorite coat when the seasons have changed.I doubt ive ever felt so beautiful as I did with her.
So I'll end this post with this last story.Tonight Finley insisted on only being held and I didn't mind.We sat and rocked as we stared at each other and I felt this overwelming urge to sing. (I dont sing) but something sprung up from a very deep and at this time forgotten place in my heart. It was a song that Id heard years ago and fell in love with. During the ends and outs of this adoption I would play it over and over again.Sometimes praying,sometimes grieving. Many times I would just sit in the car and cry,and wonder,and hope. I pulled it up on my phone to play Finley calling it "our song" and im not even kidding when I say she must have grinned 10 times while it played. The Lord purged the old pains of my heart and I wept as he healed me even further.Sometimes I just say "shes here!" The one that the Lord had my heart carry for 14 months but was quick to labor is actually here,and I let that refreshing relief wash over me. So hear is something very private for you to enjoy. May you realize that the Lord is with you wherever you are.
Love,
Ferrill, Sharon, & Finley
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Biscuits & Gravy
How much time do I take in telling the most wonderful story of my life? This past Monday the 19th I was working as I have been for the past few months as a business woman's personal assistant.I had only been at her home about two hours when my phone rings and its the agency. We hadn't been able to connect by phone in 8 weeks! It was fine too,and not a flaw of the agency. Their just wasn't anything to discuss.Our April adoption had fallen through, our hearts had moved on and so had our normal lives. We were waiting for something to happen but no one really knew what. Would we be re-matched? would we get a call from a hospital? Would Isaac's birth-mother resurface? None of us knew. Seeing the agents name pop up on the screen made me almost cringed a little at the thought of having to "regroup" and talk about how we were feeling. The truth is I hadn't felt anything.Not angry or sad.Not hopeful nor like we were actually ever going to adopt a child. So when I answered the phone and shes says "Hey, how would you feel about having a daughter?" It took me by surprise. A daughter? Not a son, that was always easier in my mind to process, but someday I knew he would leave me for another woman (his wife of course) but a daughter one day becomes... your friend. So my answer was "yes! yes I want a daughter! Are you thinking of reshowing us to a birth-mother?" "No,I'll call you around 3:30 today to come get her!" I had walked outside when I took the call,which was good because in this moment I almost threw up from the shock of news,nerves and excitement.
She went on to explain that out of the blue that morning a girl had called the agency with a week old baby that she was unable to care for and wanted her placed by the end of that day. She was scheduled to be at the agency by 3:30. So I called Ferrill,retold the story and we quickly left our jobs to head home and await the call within the next two hours.It was a good thing too since our house was a wreck! We immediately called our parents and our 2 closest friends,then it was dishes,laundry,vacuum,where are the bottles and putting in the car seat. Its crazy. We were SO calm and SO freakishly peaceful.I even layed down for a 10 minute nap. Then we got a text. Please be here by 3:45! It was finally happening.
We left our home and I made one look back before closing the door and muttered to the space that had been my safe place of rest and longing for so long "So long my beautiful things, soon your four walls will be filled with joy" and I closed the door to the old and drove towards the new one that had finally been cracked opened.
When we got to the agency they walked us down a hallway to a back waiting room.Door opened we could just see workers hussling up and down the halls with paperwork and small talk. We waited.In the excitement of saying yes we didnt even ask any questions.Is she healthy? Is she red white or blue? All we knew was a girl,and 7 days. Finally we hear "we have signed consent! lets get her back to them". The birthmother had completed all her paper work releasing her parental rights... our gift was slowly making her way down the hall. And there she was. Now this moment is more than i can fully share right now. The things inside our hearts so private and intimate that I havent even fully processed but I will say my dad gave me some beautiful advice when id called hours before.
Okay dad- Id better get inside and prepare as much as I can for whats about to happen."Can I just give you one small piece of advice before you go? As your father?" Of course! "When you see her,grab her and hold on as tight as you can.Dont worry about breaking her or hurting her,just take ahold of her,because she will be yours, as much as you were once and still are mine. Youve waited a long time for this.You will make an incredible mother,and if you believe with all your heart she is yours she'll believe that she is yours too." (gosh, coming from a man that almost never talks intimately,it was almost more than I could handle) So without many words and details that is what happened.She became ours.Our beautiful,4.12oz -7 day old African American daughter,that we named Finley Elizabeth Gallaway.
Maybe an hour later we had the beautiful opportunity to meet the birthmother.She was beautiful.She was honest and pleasant.She loved her child enough to care for her,and then enough to let her go.We thanked one another,we cried, we made commitments and then we said goodbye. We arrived at 3:45pm and we were headed home by 6:30pm.
I may still be in shock. I find myself crying in the morning when the sun comes in the nursery and i'm holding her. I think of how many nights I sat in there and my heart poured out its pain and discomfort to the Lord only to be met with the comfort of hope that one day, this may happen.And it finally has. Us loving each other is like a slow and steady rain. It gently but intentionally pours,washing away all the dirt and giving a freshness to life. Its all been so sudden and new that I have yet to really sit before the Lord and pour out my thanks.Don't get me wrong,I have thanked him, but all my heart can muster without breaking this inevitable dame is a whisper. Small moments and tears in the night where I think about the goodness & faithfulness of the Lord and their aren't enough words,just tears,and a muttered "thank you."
So thats enough for now. My heart can hardly handle it. Every time ive finished a post before its had such a big question mark at the end. But not this time. This time I will end by saying to you thank you! For your love and your hope for us. For the time you have invested and the prayers you have sown. She is here. We did it. And now I will close the screen,push my laptop away and scoop into my arms our promised child.
All our love-Ferrill,Sharon & Finley
(OH MAN! are you crying?! I am. I forgot to be funny and explain why I called the post biscutts and gravy.Its because when she poops I think it smells like biscuits and gravy,and even that makes me happy.)
She went on to explain that out of the blue that morning a girl had called the agency with a week old baby that she was unable to care for and wanted her placed by the end of that day. She was scheduled to be at the agency by 3:30. So I called Ferrill,retold the story and we quickly left our jobs to head home and await the call within the next two hours.It was a good thing too since our house was a wreck! We immediately called our parents and our 2 closest friends,then it was dishes,laundry,vacuum,where are the bottles and putting in the car seat. Its crazy. We were SO calm and SO freakishly peaceful.I even layed down for a 10 minute nap. Then we got a text. Please be here by 3:45! It was finally happening.
We left our home and I made one look back before closing the door and muttered to the space that had been my safe place of rest and longing for so long "So long my beautiful things, soon your four walls will be filled with joy" and I closed the door to the old and drove towards the new one that had finally been cracked opened.
When we got to the agency they walked us down a hallway to a back waiting room.Door opened we could just see workers hussling up and down the halls with paperwork and small talk. We waited.In the excitement of saying yes we didnt even ask any questions.Is she healthy? Is she red white or blue? All we knew was a girl,and 7 days. Finally we hear "we have signed consent! lets get her back to them". The birthmother had completed all her paper work releasing her parental rights... our gift was slowly making her way down the hall. And there she was. Now this moment is more than i can fully share right now. The things inside our hearts so private and intimate that I havent even fully processed but I will say my dad gave me some beautiful advice when id called hours before.
Okay dad- Id better get inside and prepare as much as I can for whats about to happen."Can I just give you one small piece of advice before you go? As your father?" Of course! "When you see her,grab her and hold on as tight as you can.Dont worry about breaking her or hurting her,just take ahold of her,because she will be yours, as much as you were once and still are mine. Youve waited a long time for this.You will make an incredible mother,and if you believe with all your heart she is yours she'll believe that she is yours too." (gosh, coming from a man that almost never talks intimately,it was almost more than I could handle) So without many words and details that is what happened.She became ours.Our beautiful,4.12oz -7 day old African American daughter,that we named Finley Elizabeth Gallaway.
Maybe an hour later we had the beautiful opportunity to meet the birthmother.She was beautiful.She was honest and pleasant.She loved her child enough to care for her,and then enough to let her go.We thanked one another,we cried, we made commitments and then we said goodbye. We arrived at 3:45pm and we were headed home by 6:30pm.
I may still be in shock. I find myself crying in the morning when the sun comes in the nursery and i'm holding her. I think of how many nights I sat in there and my heart poured out its pain and discomfort to the Lord only to be met with the comfort of hope that one day, this may happen.And it finally has. Us loving each other is like a slow and steady rain. It gently but intentionally pours,washing away all the dirt and giving a freshness to life. Its all been so sudden and new that I have yet to really sit before the Lord and pour out my thanks.Don't get me wrong,I have thanked him, but all my heart can muster without breaking this inevitable dame is a whisper. Small moments and tears in the night where I think about the goodness & faithfulness of the Lord and their aren't enough words,just tears,and a muttered "thank you."
So thats enough for now. My heart can hardly handle it. Every time ive finished a post before its had such a big question mark at the end. But not this time. This time I will end by saying to you thank you! For your love and your hope for us. For the time you have invested and the prayers you have sown. She is here. We did it. And now I will close the screen,push my laptop away and scoop into my arms our promised child.
All our love-Ferrill,Sharon & Finley
(OH MAN! are you crying?! I am. I forgot to be funny and explain why I called the post biscutts and gravy.Its because when she poops I think it smells like biscuits and gravy,and even that makes me happy.)
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