Saturday, February 2, 2013

Tonight.. I choose brokeness.

This post is not about our adoption.(spoiler alert.This one is super serious) But about something that I wonder if many or few of us feel.

Yesterday was lovely.And the day before.But each day had a moment of extreme disappointment. I was disappointed by the character of some people I know. I was stunned at how even as Christians (those who are to be Christ like "little Jesus's") could speak to anyone,let alone another believer as if they were the scum of the earth. My heart was incredibly shocked,and grieved.

And then I hear of a tragic moment for a "friend of a friend".A mother of 4 beautiful young daughters who lost everything they owned in a house fire,as well as 2 of her precious daughters. Devastating. 

And now today a personal injustice done after years of work and pursuit. This mad me angry,and discouraged
  And tonight while my husband and friends were out I made the mistake of turning on the world news. An American woman murdered in Turkey,who was only a tourist. More political people exposed for corruption. A man holding a 5 year old boy hostage in a bunker (day 4 now) after shooting and killing his bus driver. The debate over new gun laws after our historical and devastating loss of all those lives in Connecticut. I was about to burst. "Lord, what can I do!What is happening in this crazy world?!" He response?, "Just be broken."

And the tears flowed like a river.Like a river that had been dammed up a terribly long..long time. Im having even now,hours later,a very difficult time articulating the heaviness I feel from it all. Where is the balance? Between grieving as we should over our broken condition,our broken government, our broken nation,our broken world? and being just plain blind to it as long as it doesn't affect us? I used to think that to be a christian meant you had to be happy 24/7. And as time went on its been great discovering and showing that we are all so human, and to be "happy" all the time is stupid and unrealistic as well as a disadvantage, once you realize or experience the greatness that can at times blossom from a time of pain or brokenness.I think that perhaps what grieves the Lord,is when his people are not grieved.Not crying out.Unmoved. Lets face it, we can go from hearing about a shooting or murder directly to a cheeseburger commercial without even a flinch. Have I been taught not to respond as I should? Im starting to think yes. Why? Is it because the Lord hears the cries of his people,and comes to us and answers prayer? And if their is no cry then... their is no prayer or no response to it? And what makes me pray? Is it when im thankful or most often when I am in distress?We are a generation that is entertained by immorality and murder.  Our hearts are not easily moved.We do not like to pray.We do not like to feel sad. I wonder what the remedy is.(these are all the questions going through my mind tonight)

I don't even know why im writing this. Its really sad.Im really sad.This is the kind of thing I write in my journal not post about or share with people! But then again im sure this will quickly pass.A good TV show will come on,ill make a cup of coffee and this moment will soon be gone, and the Lord will once again look to his people in hopeful anticipation for someone to cry out.To intercede. So tonight i will give this sadness its wish. And i will cry out to the only one who is able to help, and hope that he is in some strange way pleased that sorrow has breached these high walls.

2Chronicles 7:14,15
 If my people who are called by my name,will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways,then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins,and heal their land.My eyes will be open and my ears will be attentive to their prayers.

Deuteronomy 11:12
It is the land the Lord your God cares for.And his eyes are continually on it from the beginning to its end.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for this!! I have more and more become broken and grief-stricken for what this world is becoming: not just in the tragedies, but in the way we speak to each other. It's like someone is dimming the lights and the world is becoming covered in darkness. But I think grief is the right way to handle it, because I believe God's response will come to the degree in which we are broken and cry out to him.

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